Gratitude

Pastor Jonathan's latest series is on Fidelity (def: strict observance of promises, duties, loyalty). The first week was about God the Father and how our relationship with our earthly father determines our relationship with Him. The second week was about honoring our mothers and fathers and that its a command not a request. And the third week was about husbands and their role as head of the relationship just as Christ is head of the church.

It was an incredible sermon - and not for the reasons you think. I wasn't sitting there next to my husband saying "Amen" and giving him the eye every time our pastor said something I agreed with as though he NEEDED to hear it. Honestly, my husband is amazing at his "job" as a husband. But it was so encouraging to be reminded that his role is a huge responsibility and its my duty to help him be the leader. Pastor Jonathan also mentioned something I had never heard before - that a husband's calling, first and foremost, is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. And if that is my hubs' calling, then my calling is to honor Him as the body honors the head.

My hubs spend eight days away from me this month. Normally when we are apart I don't get all sappy and sad about missing him... don't get me wrong, I LOVE him and want to be with him daily, but it's just not my nature to be like that about people. But this time was different - he was in a third world country and I had absolutely no real time contact with him by phone, email or facebook. I didn't even know where he was exactly for the first three - four days. For the first time in five years, I really felt the absence of him. I forgot how much I depend on him - not for silly things like taking out the trash or locking up the house at night - I depend on him so much emotionally! If I've had a rough day, or have a funny story, he's the first person I want to tell it to. If I need a listening ear, it's him. If I need to be cheered up, it's him. If I want a hug, it's him.

Last week's sermon, combined with the absence of my husband, reminded me of how much I love him and how thankful I am for him. He is truly a blessing to my life, not just because I depend on him and he fulfills some of my earthly needs, but because he's the leader - life is just brighter and better with him!

So in the spirit of the holiday this week, I would like to express my gratitude for the following:

• My darling, precious, loving, caring, servant-hearted husband Matt
• My girlfriends (in no particular order) - Crystal, Tonya, Tia, Jessica, Jennifer, Laura, Joy, Beth, Meredith, Dawn, Stu, and Erin.
• My parents who are always supportive and encouraging and just plain fun to be around.
• My job - I love it!
• My lovely home, included my fully remodeled bathroom. It's divine.
• My church - our pastor, our home group, the worship team, the way the Holy Spirit works there on a daily basis.
• My relationship with Jesus - not always the best on my part, but I always feel loved and well taken care of.
• My furry babies Tiny and Bella. They love unconditionally.
• The little things - a warm scarf, a strong cup of coffee, a good hair day, Carmex lip balm, Twilight, (I am not apologizing for loving the books or movies or the soundtracks), Bravo TV, the color red, a car with heated seats, and pumpkin flavored everything.

Oh and again, I am super thankful for my husband Matt. Baby, I love you.

Saw New Moon at midnight Thursday - I was pretty happy with it overall except it felt like they were forcing the dialogue in at every possible second to stay true to the book. Anyhoo, in honor of the movie, the book and it's stupidly beautiful cast, here are some fun pictures:

Everyone wants to be a vampire...

BTW, I totally think RPattz and KStew are together, I mean look at all these photos and the amount of infatuation between them. Ridiculous.

And here's a pic for all you Team Jacob fans.

Stress and Peace

I've been in my new job almost a month and so far, so good. I am trying to establish credibility, make sure I learn everything quickly and that I am making my clients happy. This job is pushing me in a lot of ways, not just intellectually, but also personally: it hit me last week that I don't work as hard as I thought I did. While I do feel I am talented and that has allowed me to move up/across the ladder, a lot of what has allowed for my success and reputation as a strong performer was being aligned to some high profile work and/or something I did well on over a year ago. The fact that I have a good reputation is great, but I can't live on that. I have to work hard with my clients because they don't know me and the words of others can only carry you so far.

The new job, combined with some other stresses (that shall remain unnamed) are really taking a toll on me. I don't feel like myself right now. I have no time for my husband or my friends. My house always seems to be in a state of disarray. I have no alone time. I've been asking the Lord to give me some peace, in both my body and my mind, supernaturally if He can. He can do anything right? And in the moment I prayed it, He delivered. He didn't bring it supernaturally, he brought it in the most natural way - I was standing in the nursery at church, holding a crying 8 month old, rocking him back and forth, back and forth and as his cries turned to whimpers and his little body went slack in my arms in sleep, the peace washed over me almost immediately. It was amazing (I wish I had a better word than amazing). It stayed with me all through the nursery and into the 11am service. So my dear friends with babies, if I ask to hold your child for a bit in the next couple of weeks, you'll know why. I am looking for some peace ;)

Life is bananas right now. Too much to do at work, too much to clean/organize at home and too much to deal with on the baby front. I am 90% certain I have another medical issue that is keeping me from getting pregnant.

Grrrr.

Wardrobe Help!

I am feeling a little out of place with my wardrobe. I am now in my VERY early thirties and cannot figure out what I can and cannot wear anymore. I am in need of a quick Stacy/Clinton session. I was in a few other stores in NYC two weeks ago and was seriously struggling between choosing items that I really really liked and items I think I should be liking at my old age.


I feel too old to be sporting a casual/weekend wardrobe that looks like it came from the juniors section, but I also feel too young to be buying sweater sets from Chico's or a department store. I have a lot of pieces that are more conservative that I save for work (since I wear business casual or business professional most days), but I just figured out what I like to wear, what "style" really suits my body and my personality and my taste, but now fear that I am too old to wear it. I like a cross between hippie chic and rocker girl. I know that sounds lame but its the only way I can think to describe it!


This is how I dress for my weekends/days off:

Summer/Spring - maxi dress, or a short cotton/knit sundress, or skinny jeans rolled up at the ankle with a flowy tank top, with chunky bracelets, wooden earrings, flip flops or flat sandals. Oh and HUGE sunglasses (cause this old lady ain't gonna contribute to crows feet.)







Fall/Winter - dark skinny jeans or black skinny cords with either a t-shirt with a print or stripe or a band name on it or a plaid button down, maybe a long cardigan or structured jacket, sometimes a short dress with tights, ballet flats or knee high flat boots and a big scarf (always). Like these girls:

Opinions needed ladies - is it ok for a 31 year old to wear items like this?

September/October Rehash

I've been so freaking busy with work/life/family that I have been slack on this blog for months. Sorry. Anyhoo here is the rundown of life these past two months:

• Job finally slowed down for a while (thank you Jesus) only to pick back up because I accepted a new role! Holla! Promotion! Pay raise! I started offically today and am transitioning all my old work this week. Excited/nervous at the same time.


• I spent the last two weeks (mostly) in NYC for work. I love it there. Love, love, LOVE it there. I love the pace, the people, the food, the attitudes, the skyline, even the smell. Gosh the smell - its like a mixture of rotten vegetables, exhaust, humans, rain and baked bread. [I know, I know. It's weird for me to like something that smells like that. I DON'T CARE.] I love that the lady at the Starbucks in our midtown office asked me if I was one of those bank people from North Carolina and when I replied yes and asked how did she know that she replied "Because you're too nice." I guess saying please and thank you when you order coffee is considered overly polite. I love the shops, the restuarnats, and I love our new office building at Bryant Park with its floor to ceiling walls of glass and fancy elevator systems and snack bars on every other floor.


• We have a roommate! It's my husband's BFF and he'll be living with us for the next few months. He's going back to school in January and it'll be great to have him around - we love him and really enjoy his company. Also he's throwing a Fall Get Down/Octoberfest party at our house this weekend with our group of mutual friends so that will be a nice welcome back for him.


• The wilderness - Pastor Jonathan finished the series "In Between" (click HERE for the sermons) a few weeks ago and as we offically move into our new building this weekend it seems that the majority of us are coming out of the wilderness into the promised land. Or that we are starting to hope for it. Our home group is reading through James and I love the verses in the first chapter that says "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." It doesn't say "IF" challenges come your way, it says when. I think that I was tricked to thinking that I would spend less time in the wilderness (some call it the valley) and more time in the promised land (or the mountaintop). But that is not the case - reality is that we live in a sinful world, and my purpose on this earth is to not have it easy, but to learn, grow and be in communion with the Lord. And in the wilderness, in my trials, the Lord is clearly at work in my heart - this is the time for discipline, for obedience, for full dependence on Him, living out my faith. And James says that when we have these trials our "faith-life" is forced into the open and shows its true colors. What are my true colors? What have I done with all these days of wandering in the dry heat of my heart? I must embrace this and let the Lord do his work - which will be good and will bless me. While my community and church seems to be entering into the promised land, I am still here in the dryness, but with the hope and faith that I'll get to the mountain again, if only for a moment.


• This is sort of silly, but every fall I get super sad about the impending birthday/daylight savings time stuff (see earlier post on this), but I get SUPER HAPPY when I start smelling pumpkins - muffins, coffee, pies, whatever. I love the taste and smell of pumpkin and could eat it year round. I know this is practically blasmephy saying this, but I really don't like the punpkin spice latte at Starbucks (the location I always go to makes the espresso too bitter/burned) but I love all the coffee creams with pumpkin flavor. I'm making pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese icing this weekend.


• This is sort of fun - my friend Erin is producing a full length film and I got to be a featured extra in it. I am basically making a fool of myself for like 30 seconds of air time but it was so much fun. Also, the hubs and I will be in part of some promotional ads for a new network launching this Friday - Halogen TV (click HERE for more information). It was sort of strange - since the network will be on Direct TV HD, they put a ton of eye makeup and powder on me and some foundation/powder on Matt. We stood in front of this white space that looked like it went into the abyss - actually the wall/floor was curved at the corner so you can't see shadows etc - looked really great on camera but was incredibly disorienting when my husband and the producer joked for me to find the back wall - I sort of ran into it. Funny. We stood there for about an hour talking about our marriage, our life, what we think our purpose/calling is, our opinions on community, justice, beauty etc. Since we don't have Direct TV I'm not sure if we'll ever see it!

Big Apples

NYC is one of my favorite places in the whole world. I haven't been a ton of places in the world, but I've been to a lot of places in the continental US. I'm going this week (tomorrow) until Saturday and Wednesday - Saturday of next week too - for work. Regardless, I am going to enjoy the following when I have a spare moment:

Bryant Park - our new office building is at One Bryant Park and I plan to enjoy a coffee or a lunch outside in the actual park area

Punch - Broadway between 22nd and 23rd - this is a cute little restaurant we ate at in January - small, cozy and right next to ABC Carpet and Home.

ABC Carpet and Home - Broadway and 19th - this place is amazing and they're a mission-driven, socially responsible business. They sell local artists work, and feature social and cause related products. It's like Anthropoligie on crack. Good crack.

Vintage Thrift Shop - 286 3rd Avenue between 21st and 22nd and/or City Opera Thrift - 222 E 23rd Street at 3rd Ave

H&M on 5th Avenue at 51st - the store is always SO crowded, but it's the biggest H&M in NYC and the most options on sizes. If I get too overwhelmed, I'll walk down to 5th/42nd or 5th/18th and shop there.

I will NOT be visiting Times Square, any chain coffee shop or restaurant and/or the financial district. Thank goodness our office is in midtown.